Smile!

It has been a beautiful day; I promised to write today in an effort to counter the negativism so apparent in the last post.

I have been outside most of the day, save 90 minutes to hit up 24 hour Fitness. For some strange reason I have learned to truly enjoy working outdoors. It seems that the last few years have done something to change that around and I worry, at times, that a career in law would really leave me wanting in that department.

This blog seems to be so full of writings created when I was in a mostly depressed state and so I will take the advice of Joseph Joubert and write when I am the most happy. It has been a long time since entering that long and dark tunnel, and I’m really finding true joy these days, independent of others – at least to a point.

I found that surrounding myself with emotionally stable people was the most important part of just being happy. There is a time and a place to reach out to someone who may need a little boost, but one at a time. I think that has to be my new motto.

I’ve decided to start a project for my mother; her trees, lawn, garden, and other outdoor areas have been neglected for a few years, and it’s time to do something about it. When I was younger there was always some green grass to lay on; a warm place to read a book. There was always somewhere to have a barbecue with friends.

My dad wanted his yard to have plenty of shade, so he planted trees, too many trees by reasonable standards. The main bulk of work I will have to complete for this project will be the removal of excess trees and difficult pruning; it will definitely be worth every minute of the work. This project will also give me more time to think to myself. It is something I am finally able to do without becoming angry or frustrated.

Some thoughts concerning ‘butterflies’ came to mind and I have come to this conclusion: butterflies are simply a part of infatuation, they are nice for a moment, but can lead a person to do some very foolish things.

The thrill of initial attraction caused by the same chemical reactions which give rise to the physical sensations of fear and excitement are often confused for something more than simple physical appeal or the allure created by the enhancement of another's desirable traits through personal imagination.

Instead of thrill seeking, look for someone who creates in you a true desire to be a better person and who helps you be your best self without criticism.

Find someone who sees the qualities in you that you have a difficult time believing you have.

Spend your time with that person who would have no reservations taking care of you physically for the rest of your life even if some serious misfortune were to befall you tomorrow, and you were perhaps destined to spend your remaining days completely handicapped.

Find someone you can be silly and juvenile with while knowing that taxes and dishes will get finished without coercion.

Find someone who apologizes whenever they hurt or offend, even when it wasn’t intentional or was simply a result of your own insecure oversensitivity.

Look for someone who has different experiences and friends but who shares your values and beliefs.

Find someone you can converse with for hours and also sit with in comfortable silence.

Find someone who will challenge your intellect as well as your perceptions.

Find a person who leaves you feeling warm, calm and contented inside rather than shaky, clumsy, out of breath and uncertain. The real ‘butterflies’ will come as surely as age – over and over again.

Most of all, be the best person you can be for someone else; be the person you are looking for. The only person you can truly shape, mold, and truly improve is you.

“Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman.”

– Joseph Joubert

Out of the cynic...

I was reading a friend’s journal – strange I know. I was thinking of my own time spend as a cynical, angry and resentful teenager and young twenty-something and I wondered how much people really can change for the better in the span of five years. I also had to wonder how some people don’t change in the same amount of time.

For some reason I always expected people to mature emotionally as they age; slap in the face number one. I always thought that people were able to have an better understanding of the gospel they profess their belief in; slap number two. And I always believed people began to make decisions based on sound judgment, reason, and principle rather than what simply feels good; slap number three.

I’ve met medical doctors who will argue with their children about how they cheated while playing cranium seven moves ago. I knew a doctor who would throw tantrums in the operating room. I know some who hold Ph.D.s in psychology and cannot conjure the willpower to even pretend they have some semblance of sexual self-control. I’ve seen retired couples who still nourish resentment as they recall an act of injury to their ego suffered many years ago.

I experienced a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach while reading the words of a ‘faithful’ BYU student as they justified their acts of sexual abomination as something normal, and acceptable – even quoting Spencer W. Kimball in their twisted justification of ‘making out.’ I know parents who will justify their children in committing sin reasoning that ‘they will grow out of it’ or ‘it’s just a phase.’ I’ve seen grandparents who will spend hours absorbing pornography in the form of romance novels.

I often converse with young people who pray for answers concerning marriage, children, and other important decisions while living in a way that completely contradicts everything they have been taught, and believe their answers come from the spirit instead of their own emotional wishing. I even dated an emotionally immature, seemingly intelligent young woman who stated: “I do what feels good.” And I know so many who will finish their “People” article just before heading off to church.

I am not perfect. I do not claim to even be close, but I love my savior. I love my fellow beings – my brothers and sisters. I simply feel hurt when I see them hurting themselves and I while I have learned not to loathe myself for my own shortcomings, I still ache inside when I know that I have offended my creator, my father, or anyone who is here for the same reason I am.

I apologize for my state; I try to serve them, one person at a time, but I think I may have to simply admit that I may, at times, be casting pearls. I’ll be well in the morning, and I will write something more cheerful.

“A part of kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve.”

–Joseph Joubert

“Never write anything that does not give you great pleasure. Emotion is easily transferred from the writer to the reader.” –Joseph Joubert

Build For Now and Always...

I have always loved the writings of C.S. Lewis. Reading his work often feels as if I am reading from the pages of my own journal. I cannot claim to be in the same league as this literary giant, but he had a way of placing into words, the thoughts that are likely pondered by so many of us.

His words:

There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations--these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendours. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of the kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously--no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinners--no mere tolerance, or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment. Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses. If he is your Christian neighbour, he is holy in almost the same way, for in him also Christ vere latitat, the glorifier and the glorified, Glory Himself, is truly hidden. --C.S. Lewis