Question

I try not to go of on too many rants, but I have a question that comes to the surface now and again. Why does the dating life seem to move along and end in ‘success’ for so many. How is it they simply date and marry without all of the anxiety and worry that plagues so many others? Are they simply naive? Do they have any idea of what is actually ahead of them? Perhaps they just haven’t had their hearts broken and so are able to simply give it to someone they are infatuated with--thinking it is love. I suppose it doesn’t matter, they will grow into that love eventually. It’s late, and I really should be asleep.

Again.. a post

There are times in life when it is finally time to come completely out of the tunnel. There is always light at the end and the struggle to reach that end is eternal but there are some times when it is over and there is only to look back and laugh at the sorrows we've been tending.

In the blessed moments of peace and calm, and the coincident state of having an alert and open mind, one may observe the others who may not have reached the same place.

It is so important to practice the art of lifting and edifying those around us, for if we do not, it is nearly impossible to recognize that same uplifting support when received.

There is but one chapter left in this part of life and when the book closes, only joy at the experience of reading the story must remain.

As for the less cryptic and lighter side of life...

I am in Washington D.C. once again. There is a project to finish, which will take about two days, and then I will get to meet my niece for the first time. I haven’t seen my sister-in-law for a while, and I am so excited to see her too! Jason is spending some time in Georgia for training and will be there until October. I do miss him.

Amberly came from from her mission in Budapest on the 24^th; it has been more than wonderful having her back. She has remained my closest friend for so much of my life, and the discussions I am able to share with her have only become more introspective and meaningful as the years have bestowed their ever welcome gifts of wisdom and experience on us both.

The new semester will start again on the 27^th of August, and I look forward to it as usual. I enjoy school very much and I have even been accused of loving it more than is sensible or practical, but the truth is this: I enjoy anything I can do that is productive and fulfilling. I love what I do for work just as much as I enjoy living in the world of academia.

P.S. The dog is called Darth Vader. He lives at the range in Chantilly where I was finishing a project. He is the mascot for the Blue Ridge Arsenal in Chantilly.

From Place to Place

It’s really time for a few words from this wayward soul. I have been traveling a fair amount lately, and I find my time a little pressed. First of all, Chicago. I love the place. I was able to enjoy the ‘Taste of Chicago’ – a few blocks of food and fun. The planetarium was ‘entertaining and educational’ and the afternoon thunderstorms behind the city were a nice touch.

I was home for a bit and then left for Council Bluffs/Omaha. Good times in corn country, and beautifully humid air.

Detroit was next; actually, it was a suburb of Detroit called Novi. It was here I found a whole ward full of friends. It was disappointing at first, to be stuck in Detroit for the weekend, but when it came to leave I wanted to stay! I miss the green, the lake, the parks, the people - I will return!

Augusta is warm this time of year, but I can’t complain about the warm, moist air that is always a familiar, comforting delight.

Really Here

I'm back; I just have to blow the dust off this poor neglected blog. Ok, now I'm sneezing... Perhaps I'll write later...

Smile!

It has been a beautiful day; I promised to write today in an effort to counter the negativism so apparent in the last post.

I have been outside most of the day, save 90 minutes to hit up 24 hour Fitness. For some strange reason I have learned to truly enjoy working outdoors. It seems that the last few years have done something to change that around and I worry, at times, that a career in law would really leave me wanting in that department.

This blog seems to be so full of writings created when I was in a mostly depressed state and so I will take the advice of Joseph Joubert and write when I am the most happy. It has been a long time since entering that long and dark tunnel, and I’m really finding true joy these days, independent of others – at least to a point.

I found that surrounding myself with emotionally stable people was the most important part of just being happy. There is a time and a place to reach out to someone who may need a little boost, but one at a time. I think that has to be my new motto.

I’ve decided to start a project for my mother; her trees, lawn, garden, and other outdoor areas have been neglected for a few years, and it’s time to do something about it. When I was younger there was always some green grass to lay on; a warm place to read a book. There was always somewhere to have a barbecue with friends.

My dad wanted his yard to have plenty of shade, so he planted trees, too many trees by reasonable standards. The main bulk of work I will have to complete for this project will be the removal of excess trees and difficult pruning; it will definitely be worth every minute of the work. This project will also give me more time to think to myself. It is something I am finally able to do without becoming angry or frustrated.

Some thoughts concerning ‘butterflies’ came to mind and I have come to this conclusion: butterflies are simply a part of infatuation, they are nice for a moment, but can lead a person to do some very foolish things.

The thrill of initial attraction caused by the same chemical reactions which give rise to the physical sensations of fear and excitement are often confused for something more than simple physical appeal or the allure created by the enhancement of another's desirable traits through personal imagination.

Instead of thrill seeking, look for someone who creates in you a true desire to be a better person and who helps you be your best self without criticism.

Find someone who sees the qualities in you that you have a difficult time believing you have.

Spend your time with that person who would have no reservations taking care of you physically for the rest of your life even if some serious misfortune were to befall you tomorrow, and you were perhaps destined to spend your remaining days completely handicapped.

Find someone you can be silly and juvenile with while knowing that taxes and dishes will get finished without coercion.

Find someone who apologizes whenever they hurt or offend, even when it wasn’t intentional or was simply a result of your own insecure oversensitivity.

Look for someone who has different experiences and friends but who shares your values and beliefs.

Find someone you can converse with for hours and also sit with in comfortable silence.

Find someone who will challenge your intellect as well as your perceptions.

Find a person who leaves you feeling warm, calm and contented inside rather than shaky, clumsy, out of breath and uncertain. The real ‘butterflies’ will come as surely as age – over and over again.

Most of all, be the best person you can be for someone else; be the person you are looking for. The only person you can truly shape, mold, and truly improve is you.

“Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman.”

– Joseph Joubert

Out of the cynic...

I was reading a friend’s journal – strange I know. I was thinking of my own time spend as a cynical, angry and resentful teenager and young twenty-something and I wondered how much people really can change for the better in the span of five years. I also had to wonder how some people don’t change in the same amount of time.

For some reason I always expected people to mature emotionally as they age; slap in the face number one. I always thought that people were able to have an better understanding of the gospel they profess their belief in; slap number two. And I always believed people began to make decisions based on sound judgment, reason, and principle rather than what simply feels good; slap number three.

I’ve met medical doctors who will argue with their children about how they cheated while playing cranium seven moves ago. I knew a doctor who would throw tantrums in the operating room. I know some who hold Ph.D.s in psychology and cannot conjure the willpower to even pretend they have some semblance of sexual self-control. I’ve seen retired couples who still nourish resentment as they recall an act of injury to their ego suffered many years ago.

I experienced a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach while reading the words of a ‘faithful’ BYU student as they justified their acts of sexual abomination as something normal, and acceptable – even quoting Spencer W. Kimball in their twisted justification of ‘making out.’ I know parents who will justify their children in committing sin reasoning that ‘they will grow out of it’ or ‘it’s just a phase.’ I’ve seen grandparents who will spend hours absorbing pornography in the form of romance novels.

I often converse with young people who pray for answers concerning marriage, children, and other important decisions while living in a way that completely contradicts everything they have been taught, and believe their answers come from the spirit instead of their own emotional wishing. I even dated an emotionally immature, seemingly intelligent young woman who stated: “I do what feels good.” And I know so many who will finish their “People” article just before heading off to church.

I am not perfect. I do not claim to even be close, but I love my savior. I love my fellow beings – my brothers and sisters. I simply feel hurt when I see them hurting themselves and I while I have learned not to loathe myself for my own shortcomings, I still ache inside when I know that I have offended my creator, my father, or anyone who is here for the same reason I am.

I apologize for my state; I try to serve them, one person at a time, but I think I may have to simply admit that I may, at times, be casting pearls. I’ll be well in the morning, and I will write something more cheerful.

“A part of kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve.”

–Joseph Joubert

“Never write anything that does not give you great pleasure. Emotion is easily transferred from the writer to the reader.” –Joseph Joubert

Build For Now and Always...

I have always loved the writings of C.S. Lewis. Reading his work often feels as if I am reading from the pages of my own journal. I cannot claim to be in the same league as this literary giant, but he had a way of placing into words, the thoughts that are likely pondered by so many of us.

His words:

There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations--these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendours. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of the kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously--no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinners--no mere tolerance, or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment. Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses. If he is your Christian neighbour, he is holy in almost the same way, for in him also Christ vere latitat, the glorifier and the glorified, Glory Himself, is truly hidden. --C.S. Lewis

Just us

Mister X

There exists, in my head, a fixation on those who have the ability to read others. From fortune tellers and “Guess My Weight” booth workers at the local carnival, to federal detectives and CIA interrogators, there is something so very fascinating about a person who is able tell you something about yourself after only one interaction.

I met a delightful woman today. At one time she worked for the FBI. She would look at writing samples and determine, based on the handwriting, what kind of profile a person would fit into.

These days she isn’t working for the FBI, but she still possesses that finely honed skill. She is able to look at person’s signature, and accurately describe their personality type, emotional health, social preferences, relationship types, and so on. I was quite surprised to be read so well by someone I had written my name for once, and had only just met.

I don’t claim a peak level of enigmatic stoicism, but I do like to think of myself as housing some semblance of mystery and intrigue. Perhaps it’s all in my head; maybe I am just an open book...