Ft. Walton Beach:
It’s really a beautiful day here. I spend much of last night out on a small pier, and just watched as the sun fell into the western water. There was a breeze off the gulf—smell free—and the moonlight on the small breaking waves was perfect.
As it turns out, there won’t be much to work on until the replacement motors get here on Thursday... hopefully. It would have been really nice to have another day in Michigan, but I’m sure there is something here worth exploring—there always is.
I have been thinking a lot about BYU-H; there was a time when I kept having a strong impression that I needed to be there, but I never went. Instead I took a scholarship at UVU. I have many wonderful friends there, and teachers I adore more than words can convey, but I still feel it may be a decision I will always regret.
Someone once said: “The two worst words in the world are: What if?” Perhaps it’s time to go or let go. Maybe the beautiful, moist, perfect air is getting to my head.
I haven’t touched my cello for almost two weeks; it’s difficult not to dwell on how rusty I’m getting, but at least I won’t be destitute while attending classes; there is plenty of work to be paid for. Of course, I may become impoverished despite my best efforts; the LSAT is coming up in December, and the prep course is about eight hundred dollars. That reminds me... I’ll need to lighten the class load.
My final thought for the day:
Where is the pleasure in attempting—successfully or not—to destroy the self esteem of another? What is so delightful about tearing into someone who exhibits their vulnerability for just a moment—even when they know selfish and heartless people will likely exploit it? What semblance of self-esteem can possibly be gained by a cruel scorning of another’s well intentioned and heartfelt actions?
My friend once asked why people didn’t speak with her, or come over to start up a conversation... She is an attractive and generally kind person, but most people can tell—whether consciously or not—when they are being judged. Some people who lack certain social skills and who are rewarded by receiving any attention at all may not possess that ability, but they are a rarity, and are the ones who will keep ‘coming back for more.’
Explicated simply: a person cannot feign compassion merely to ease their own perfectionsitic mind because they feel guilty for passing judgment on others. Artificial compassion is easily discovered by those who do actually feel empathy and a genuine love of the all the strangers who share in this life’s joys and sorrows.
The moments in which one laughs at the attempts of another to communicate, reveal and reinforce a flawed character that only personal sorrow and trial will repair. Those who are full of charity, who are genuinely loved by those they know, and who are truly the most desirable to associate with often share the common bond of a difficult life. Be more like them; listen more than you speak; love people more than they deserve.
That’s my answer...
It’s time to head to the pier...
